The topic of resilience has been bouncing around popular media lately, perhaps without a lot of understanding about the word’s meaning or the process of acquiring it. The word even comes up at my workplace. I am a veterinary technician at an animal shelter, and we so often speak in awe about the incredible resilience of non-human animals. We see cats, dogs, and other critters that have gone through some of the worst physical traumas – from housefires to car crashes to gut-wrenching neglect (picture those commercials with Sarah McLaughlin’s voice in the background). We see animals recover from very poor prognoses to our utter amazement. Their bodies are resilient.
Physical resilience – the body’s ability to heal from damage – is not a passive process. Internally, all of the organ systems are working hard and in tandem. Producing white blood cells to fight an infection, forming new tissue cells to heal a wound, and restoring homeostasis all require hard work. The damaged areas are sending messages to the brain, saying “we need these nutrients in order to heal, and we need the body to rest as we do the work.” Thus, externally, physical resilience requires work on our part – listening to the body, supplying vital nutrients in the form of healthy foods, and slowing down. Refusing to push ourselves, overwork ourselves, when our bodies are yearning for ease. Building physical resilience is an active process.
Resilience requires work – building resilience is an active process
The same can be said about emotional resilience. When we experience emotional trauma, much like a physical wound, damage is done to our hearts, our minds, our souls. However, our organ systems don’t exactly have the means of restoring homeostasis from emotional damage – white blood cells won’t help us here. Our bodies instinctually have the ability to interpret emotional trauma as a physical danger, which can result in responses that might provide safety: flight, flight, fawn, or freeze. Beyond that, the process of recovering from emotional trauma requires work on our part. It is in no way a passive process.
I grew up similarly to many Midwestern Protestant families: if you have a problem, sweep it under the rug. That’s not exactly the greatest method of healing emotional trauma, and boy, have I had my fair share of it! By my mid-20’s, my heart and soul had been wounded several times over. My parents’ divorce as a preteen, the death of one of my closest friends at age 21, and sexual assault at age 24 – wounds on top of wounds. With my “sweep it under the rug” philosophy and zero resilience skills, I found myself in my darkest hour at age 26. Alcohol numbed me. Countless hours spent earning college degrees with perfect grades, working over 40 hours each week at multiple jobs, volunteering at any organization I could find – all distractions. I was broken, and I was scarily close to collapse.
A turning point
My darkest hour just so happened to coincide with a very dark hour for humanity; it was 2020. While our species is still reeling from the global pandemic four years later, many can attest to the fact that the initial shut-downs and quarantines – forcing everyone to stop, slow down, sit at home without the pressure of capitalism to work/produce/consume – was a bit of a gift. Without being forced to slow down, I would have burned out.
It was during this time that I stumbled upon one of The Resilient Activist’s virtual webinars, and I was immediately hooked. Eagerly, I learned about the work required to build resilience, to accumulate an entire toolbox of skills that I can take with me anywhere. I learned that restorative rest is more productive than overworking oneself. I learned about breathing techniques, mindfulness, meditation, and yoga. I was inspired to start a journal and go to therapy for the first time. Perhaps most importantly, I learned how to face my emotions head on, instead of sweeping them under the rug. It is not easy to look your grief and pain in the face, name the feelings, sit with them, and process them. It requires hard work, but it is the most valuable work I have ever done.
Doing the work
Today, I no longer have a dependency on alcohol or other distractions. I no longer stretch myself too thin with work and school and volunteering. I no longer run away from my pain. Today, I am an energized activist who prioritizes time spent in nature and living in the present moment. I am able to seek moments of joy and ease and softness in this heartbreakingly beautiful world. The work of cultivating resilience never ends, however. It is an active process, and I’m ready to do the work.
Thank you, Briana, for your courage to share about your own experiences of trauma, resilience and healing. I know first-hand it can be a lifelong process and the need to open up and talk about it is a vital component, knowing we are not alone, and having a safe space where trust is nurtured amongst ourselves. I can’t remember how I first found out about The Resilient Activist but when I did and heard Sami’s story, I knew I wanted and needed to be part of this organization, a place without shame, guilt or judgement. For me that is huge.
I love that you bring into focus how resilient our non-human friends are and for many of us here they play a big role in our day to day lives. I love Rocky’s success story. What a sweetheart he is.
I appreciate you, Maria, for reading through my posts and taking the time to respond! I agree that it is so important to talk about pain and trauma and grief, that it is a vital part of the healing process. I spent a lot of years holding in my pain, not talking to anyone about it. The pain just sort of festered inside of me. Not good.
I’m also a huge fan of Rocky’s story! He’s the best 🙂